If you feel your sex life has declined during COVID, you might think “my wife loves me but doesn’t desire me?” the answer is to not worry, it’s usually not an issue with your relationship or your fault, it is a lot of other factors.
- Stress and anxiety.
- The worry from no income.
- Loss of work and a hit to the self-esteem.
- The worry about the safety of relatives and loved ones.
- No private time, and being in each others’ space.
- Nothing different during the day, making it seem a little boring.
- Because many have lost their jobs, some do not want to risk not having enough money to suitably care for a coming baby.
There are three times during the month when women do not want sex
- During her period: green days.
- During her high fertility times (especially if not protected): blue days.
- During her PMDD, PMS time (days 20 to 28) when her body doesn’t feel comfortable: orange, grey days.
The blue days require safe sex and the body’s feelings on other days make women feel like not wanting sex, and prefer non-sexual intimacy.
Most men do not know this timing, which is why misunderstanding occurs. Many men think that (except for the period), his wife/girlfriend is ready for sex at any time, but this is not the case.
After the period ends, there is a day of rest and then some unexpected spotting (usually day 7). From day 8, it becomes easier-pregnancy time and if you do not practice safe-sex, then many women will try not to have sex (even if they want it, they prefer to be safe). Her % chance to become pregnant get higher until day 15, as she ovulates on day 14 and the egg if ready for fertilisation for a day).
If there is any sperm inserted from touching, precum, a broken condom, or unsafe sex, there is a high chance of pregnancy during the blue days. If you are not the long-term partner or she does not have confidence that you would be a good father, then many women prefer to abstain from day 8 to 15.
From day 16, some women naturally have PCOS, PMDD or PMS feelings which usually make her feel frustrated, heavy, anxious, uncomfortable in her body and generally unhappy. Day 21 and 22 is where the progesterone hits its highest peak and estrogen has a minor peak.
Day 22 info (PMS, PCOS or PMDD feelings)
This is directly from the YouSoGetMe app, info shown for women. The men’s version shows how to help and understand better.
Today has a twist. You will be feeling quite good, you’re in your creative week, and there may be some miscommunication. Because your hormones are adjusting:
- progesterone has peaked its highest and is starting its dive today,
- estrogen is ending its slow peak, with a slow decline until your period,
- testosterone is in slow decline, and
- the uterine lining is almost fully built up.
These might give you different feelings today
- You may feel you’ve have reached the end of your ‘don’t touch me’ feeling and think about the non-sexual important things in your lives, the love, the romance, the staying together.
- You may have a sudden feeling of ‘loneliness or something’ and want to remind yourself of the strength of your relationship.
- You could be quite impulsive and slightly more aggressive than your normal self.
Some women feel useless at home or work but don’t worry about this as progesterone is a natural depressant, bringing a sense of calm to the body. At the same time, you could be suddenly easy-angry because when estrogen falls, it takes serotonin with it and your stress levels may slightly increase.
To improve these, get sunlight as early as possible and prepare to give yourself some room to think about things. Try to give yourself some personal time (5-minutes a few times) today. This will increase your calmness and your perspectives and will show you some of your strengths. While your body’s energy is slowing down a little, your intellectual capabilities are increasing.
The good thing is that you’re in an intensely inspirational and creative phase and this is one of the best times to meditate, think things over and channel your energy into creative solutions.
This phase is also a good time to identify problems and their solutions, which will give you less to think about during your period. It’s often best to spend some time not doing much with your body. Another way of feeling good at this time is to meet with your partner or a good friend for some bonding time.
When you understand what is happening, you can better accept it
.. and prepare for it, so we made an app that helps you, it’s shown on the right of this page.
To help keep a good relationship going during COVID, see our post on Dating at Home, and Easy, Happy and Sweet things to do for your Wife for ideas to keep things happy between you both. The key is to be comfortable with each other, you will get through this and hopefully will be stronger when you do.